Eruptions

(Spoiler – Plz don’t read if you’re in a happy mood)

And whenever I try to write

Nothing comes in my mind

Even now when I’m typing

All the clustered emotions are venting

I write for myself

But somewhere I write for him to read too

I write to get his appraisal too

I write to get his comments too

His likes too

His dislikes too

But now he is busy in his ‘own’ world

In world where he is my priority

Where no matter what my mood is

His things will be the first I do

And me, myself is the whole problem

To think and rethink

That how this little small breaks where I lie in my bed

Still you are on mind without thinking of you

Still you don’t have a minute

To hear my songs, to read my posts

May be, I would have really sung it to sooth you

To make the sense of comfort from the meaning of the song.

To make you feel good

The time you needed it most

But then

You don’t

And the ways I try to comfort

Comes falling down on me

That my effort is waste like water drowning in drain

I know I’m emotionally irrelevant right now

But your little things matter

What you do, what you don’t

And I still know

I should not expect you to like and comment in this anymore

I’ll not remind you to do read

Because when things and people who are close to you

There things matter

There work matter

You notice what they do

I do like this

May be not everyone

But I do.

May be I’m still wrong to feel what I feel

Because its two on you to feel

And again I have to stop myself

To burden you

So that you could live freely

I’m angry, stupid, fucking, crazy bird

I might shout, scream, laugh, cry, hurt

But this doesn’t means I don’t see the little things you see

I know you do the effort for me

I’m sorry for the hurt I exhibit on you

But please know!

This heart beats only for you.

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